


Ebb and Flow

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Series: The Domesticity Arc [16]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Curtain Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:29:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leorio's midlife crisis is giving Kurapika one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ebb and Flow

There are a lot of things most people don't know about Kurapika.

For instance, he harbors a deep, unabashed love for Milton's "Paradise Lost" and Donne's "The Flea" (because it's cleverly dirty.) He used to envision himself as a brilliant tactician, planning strategies taken straight from Sun Tzu's _The Art of War_. He is fluently bilingual; there is simply no reason for him to speak his first language. He's _very_ ticklish underneath the ribs -- but he'll punch you in the head before you get a chance to test that.

He pens haiku:

_Oh no, what comes forth?  
Not more dirty laundry!  
Take it down yourself._

He uses words people should pay him just for pronouncing correctly.

Also, he really, really, really likes having sex.

So when Leorio halts one such amorous encounter to talk about his feelings, Kurapika is half-sympathetic partner ("poor thing, tell me all about it,") and half-adolescent boy ("we have to talk _now?_ ")

"And... how _are_ you feeling right now?" he ventures cautiously, after his lover's confession of Complete and Utter Emptiness.

Leorio shrugs like nothing matters. "I just don't... I don't know. I just don't _feel_ like _anything_."

"... Okay," Kurapika concedes, sitting back against the couch. He folds his legs under him and pretends to stare at the blue carpet. (He's actually apologizing to his groin, because it was all worked up for nothing.) _"Sorry,"_ he mouths.

"I'm just under so much pressure lately," Leorio goes on, rubbing a hand through his short hair. It needs to be cut. "The head of the surgical department retired, so that means there's a spot to fill on the board. It could be _me_ , but it couldn't. What if someone else is better than me? Maybe I don't deserve it."

"Don't be ridiculous," Kurapika recites automatically. "You're more than capable, you know you are. You need to stop thinking it to death -- at least until you know for certain when the interviews will start. It might not be for a couple of weeks." He waves a hand. "You know how quickly these things can go." Like sexual desire, he adds mentally: Gone in an instant.

"You're probably right," Leorio concedes, resting his elbows on his knees. "But since I don't know what anyone is planning yet, I'll just be over here fretting. If that's okay."

"It's fine," Kurapika dismisses, even though it isn't.

***

After the first week, Kurapika wonders if he is this ridiculous when he has internal dilemmas. If so, surely the fact that Leorio hasn't murdered him speaks volumes of the older man's love for him.

Kurapika leaves work early on Friday because the hospital reaches him on his cell.

_"It's quite the emergency,"_ said Leorio's secretary, of whom Kurapika is most certainly _not_ jealous, because she isn't nearly as pretty as he is.

_"All right,"_ Kurapika replied, remaining calm out of practice. _"What is it?"_

_"... Please come and do something about your husband."_

_"... Excuse me?"_

And so Kurapika confessed to Yamada-san that he was sleeping with a lunatic, then made his way to Leorio's office downtown for damage control.

Now, he can't _believe_ he lives with this silly, silly man.

"Leorio," he says in a clipped tone. "Come out of the closet."

"Why should I? It's obvious no one needs me."

Kurapika resists the urge to beat his forehead against the wall -- barely. "Why doesn't anyone need you?"

"Because," comes the muffled despair, "the rumor mill has leaked the names of those headed for interviews with the department heads, and none of those names are mine."

"Leorio," Kurapika starts, but stops, because Leorio's secretary is still here, with her blonde hair and her grape bubblegum and her _burgundy blouse_. "Sayu-san, would you mind...?"

"Oh, sure, honey," she quips, and winks at him on her way out. She probably thinks they're going to have a quickie in the closet because that is obviously the only thing homosexual couples get together for.

"I wish you'd fire her," he says when the door closes.

"You're paranoid and jealous," is Leorio's reply.

"Leorio," Kurapika steers the conversation back to his reason for being here, "lots of people need you. Come out here and talk to me."

"I can talk to you fine from in here."

Sigh. "All right." He sits down and draws his knees up. "You think no one needs you because you weren't considered for a promotion?"

Hesitation, and then, "Isn't that always the case? If they really value me, they'd let me move up so I can be of more help to the people we care for."

Kurapika frowns. "You're already a tremendous help here, you know that." He looks at the walls, covered in various medical diplomas, membership certificates -- and crayon artwork from appreciative young patients. Suddenly, something occurs to him. "Leorio, didn't you say the open position was in the surgical department?"

"Yeah."

Well, maybe he's missed something, but, "How many surgeries have you performed?"

Silence.

"... Well?"

"... Only nine. Five of them caesareans, three episiotomies, and one circumcision -- which, I'll have you know, I am never doing again."

Kurapika shakes his head. "Leorio, you silly -- you're officially a general practitioner, since you never actually transferred into the surgical department. And while you technically have the license to practice as a surgeon, you simply don't have enough experience to qualify being head of the department.

"So you see? It has nothing to do with anyone not needing you. It's only that you haven't tried to get into the surgical department yet. That's why you've missed this chance at a promotion." He knows a second after he says it that it was the wrong thing to say, but he can't take it back.

Leorio's sudden helpless groan doesn't help matters any. "You're right," he bemoans. "You're always right."

"Well, not _always_ \--"

"I haven't done a damned thing with my life. I've been lounging around like it's some stupid vacation and meanwhile, chances have been passing me by like, like, like the flirty remarks Sayu makes to me."

"-- _what?_ "

"My entire life is wasteful!" Leorio wails, and coats are rustling, and Kurapika decides he will tackle this when the tantrum is over.

"I'm going home," he tells his distraught lover, and stands. "We'll talk about this when you're ready to settle down."

He exits Leorio's office into a throng of concerned doctors, nurses, and outpatients--

"--probably still in the closet together."

"Well, at least one of them finally came out."

\-- and spots Sayu, who says, "So?"

"You're fired!" Kurapika barks at her, and doesn't wait to see if she actually takes him seriously. "And _my_ hair's really blond," he adds under his breath.

***

Leorio comes home at two-thirty. Kurapika already has chocolate brownie cake and mint chocolate ice cream on the table, because Leorio will be wanting comfort food.

Sure enough, without so much as a glance at him, Leorio plops down into the chair and starts working on his piece of cake.

"Coffee?" Kurapika offers.

"Please." When he gets up to pour it, Leorio adds, "I heard you fired my secretary today."

"Oh?" he replies absently. "I might have done that, yes."

"I had to re-hire her before I left, and apologize for my wife's behavior."

" _You're_ the wife," Kurapika shoots back. "And excuse me? You spend the day hiding in a closet feeling sorry for yourself and throwing a fit, and you apologize for _my_ behavior?"

"No, _you're_ the wife, and anyway, just because you don't think Sayu's carpet matches the drapes doesn't give you the right to fire her in front of everyone."

" _You are the wife_ , and who cares about Sayu -- of whom I am _not jealous at all_ \-- when the problem at hand here isn't mine, it's yours?"

"Oh, my _problem_ , is it?"

"You're telling me, after all this, that nothing is bothering you?" Kurapika inhales deeply, trying to calm down, and drums his fingernails on the countertop. The coffee mug next to him is full, steaming.

"Oh yes, something IS bothering me!"

"Then _what is it_?"

"I, I'm -- I'm having a... mid-life crisis!"

"You are _twenty-six._ "

"SO WHAT?!"

_Don't throw the coffee at him,_ Kurapika chants. _The stain might never come out of the table cloth. Don't throw the coffee at him...._ "How could you possibly be having a mid-life crisis?!"

"My career is going nowhere, I've been missing chances to climb higher, what have I been doing all these years?!" Leorio's punctuation to this is to stuff a forkful of cake in his mouth.

"You are an idiot!" Kurapika yells at him. "You're not pulling a rickshaw, you're a _physician_. You help people! Everyone at the hospital likes you! You always wanted to be a physician! You make a good salary! You own a beautiful condo! You have tons of good friends! You have a burgundy office! You have me, even though every day I ask myself why! What the hell have you got to be depressed about?!"

"You aren't being very attentive to my needs right now," Leorio says.

"Oh that's it. That is it. Get out of my kitchen."

"-- What?"

"Get out. Get out get out getout getoutgetout."

"You can't tell me what to do. This is my condo, too! And it's _my_ mid-life crisis." He changes his mind when Kurapika picks up one of the steak knives. "Where should I go?"

"Anywhere! Go -- go get a haircut, or something, and take your stupid crisis with you!"

"You have to be the worst wife I ever married!" Leorio spits at him, and turns to make what would have been a dramatic exit, save for the leap he had to make to avoid the knife. "Oh, hey, you two," he says when he opens the door. "I wouldn't go in there; my wife is on the rag."

Kurapika growls under his breath. Gon and Killua appear when he's pulling the knife out of the threshold.

"Ah, hell," Killua says. "We'll come back another time." Killua knows when to just shut up.

Gon, on the other hand... "Do you need to cry?" He holds his arms out. "I'll hug you."

Kurapika rubs his temples.

***

When Leorio comes back from a barber who almost shaved him bald, he finds a note held in place by cold coffee.

_Oh, have you returned?_

_How unfortunate for you._

_There is no food left._

"You are so _weird_ ," he mutters, and checks the fridge, only to discover that no, there is no food left. It was Kurapika's turn to do the grocery shopping, and the blond must have finished off the leftover chicken that had been in there this morning.

"And spiteful," he adds. But whatever, he thinks, and orders Chinese.

***

The evening is nothing if not tense. Leorio spends it in the living room and Kurapika hides out in the office. Kurapika beats him to the bathroom to wash up for bed and pointedly takes forever. Leorio beats him to the bed itself and pointedly settles onto the side away from the wall so Kurapika will have to climb over him. (Kurapika _walks_ over him.)

They don't exchange a single word.

The following morning is worse. Leorio makes one cup of instant coffee instead of firing up the machine, sings loudly in the shower, and leaves his dirty laundry on the bedroom floor.

Kurapika retaliates by writing "PROPERTY OF LEORIO" on the dirty underwear and throwing them down the hallway stairs.

They are returned to Leorio almost immediately when he gets home -- by Killua, of all people. The younger man holds them out as though they are a viper, and asks blandly, "How come you two are older, but dumber?"

Leorio's cheeks feel hot, and he snatches the grippies from the younger's hand. "Respect your elders," he snaps, and slams the door in Killua's face. Then he goes to the laundry basket and picks up a few pairs of socks from long, hot days, and bundles them with the underwear. Then he carries this stinky bundle around the apartment with him until he hears Kurapika come home. Then he ambushes the blond with a bundle of smelly undergarments in the face and holds him against the wall while he yelps and squirms, and feels utmost satisfaction.

***

Leorio and Kurapika have reached a turning point in their relationship. Once, they would pick nasty fights with one another _just_ to have the make-up sex. Now, they pick nasty fights with one another _just_ so one of them will sleep in the guest room.

On the plus side, at least they're speaking again.

Senritsu thinks, _I feel like their sex therapist,_ but doesn't say it. Instead, "Kurapika, have you ever considered that you are both being a little dramatic?" Because warfare over a pair of dirty socks seems a little extreme to her. Maybe she just hasn't found the right guy.

"No, I am not." Kurapika notably doesn't deny Leorio's flair for the dramatic. "It just so happens--"

_"--sock,"_ she catches from the background.

"--that Leorio is under a lot of pressure and WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT, CAN'T FIND A LOUSY SOCK -- and he isn't in the best of moods lately."

Senritsu can tell they aren't having sex. Kurapika gets cranky when he isn't having sex. "When was the last time you two...?"

The blond on the other end hesitates. "Well, Leorio has a performance evaluation coming up, and there was this interview he didn't get, and, well."

"Hmm, can I say hi?"

"Oh, sure." The phone is partly muffled by Kurapika's hand. "LEORIO, PICK UP THE PHONE. IT'S SENRITSU. SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE BEING A DICK."

"I AM NOT A DICK. YOU ARE THE DICK, YOU DICK. Hi, Ritsu. How are things?"

"Apparently better than they are over there. Kurapika, be a dear and hang up."

"Fine, but whatever he says, it isn't true."

"He's lying," Leorio says when the _click_ tells them Kurapika has left the conversation. "It's _all_ true."

"Your mid-life crisis?" she queries wryly.

"Yes!"

"Leorio, you realize you have years ahead of you, don't you? You aren't even shy of thirty yet. So what if you haven't accomplished everything you set out to do? You don't want to do everything at once, do you?"

"Well... actually, I never thought of it that way."

Sometimes, the boys are so simple. She presses her advantage. "And what did you want to accomplish with your life?"

Leorio thinks about it. "Uh, I wanted to become a doctor and help anyone who needed it. I wanted to own the roof over my head and be able to afford whatever I required. Um, I wanted to fall in love and marry the woman of my dreams, which sort of turned out to be a man, but that's okay; Kurapika is practically a woman, anyway."

"I HEARD THAT."

"YOU SHUT UP and I guess, I guess I just wanted to be happy."

"And are you happy?"

"... Right now, or in general?"

"In general, Leorio."

"Well, yeah. I'm happy."

"Then isn't that all you need?" He doesn't answer right away, but that's all right. "Listen, darling, I'll let you think on that. Just remember that you are not a failure, and you have plenty of time, and you have people who love you. I'll talk to you later, all right?"

"Sure. Thanks for calling."

When the line goes dead, Senritsu sighs, half-amused, half-exasperated. Sometimes, she thinks she should just move in with them.

***

"So, what did she say?" Kurapika ventures, still angry but curious. He's standing in the bedroom doorway with his arms folded, glowering, as he's been doing for most of the past three weeks.

Leorio stares at him, wondering how the littlest things drive them crazy, how ridiculous the human mind can be, how much they really love each other.

But he's still kind of pissed after the whole wasabi-coffee fiasco this morning, so he says, "She helped me realize that the solution to my problem is for you to get breast implants." There are days where he truly prides himself on holding the remote with all of Kurapika's buttons -- even when it results in _tokushitsu_ and a flying leap that lands them in a wrestling match on the living room floor. The portable phone flies onto the carpet somewhere and Leorio chokes because Kurapika's hands are dangerously close to his neck -- but Kurapika can't stay that angry at him for long and soon his eyes are blue again, but they don't stop tussling, and Leorio gets a shove in that results in an "Ow!" and an automatic time-out.

They end up on their stomachs, mostly, though Leorio is sprawled on top of Kurapika, who is gripping the carpet with one hand, the back of his head with the other, and cursing the coffee table. Leorio takes the breather to contemplate how he should be feeling at the moment. They've had plenty of play-fights before. They've even had angry sex. Lying in the middle of the room like this, tangled together with their clothes in disarray (their shirts riding up, skin touching skin) _should_ make him want to turn this into a different kind of wrestling.

But it doesn't.

He tries touching Kurapika's stomach softly, which makes the blond jump and then hold still, though his skin still trembles under the pads of Leorio's fingers. Wondering what's wrong, Leorio shifts them so they're lying on their sides instead, and fits his groin against his lover's bottom -- again, nothing. He sighs sadly, knowing he isn't aroused at all, and hides his face against Kurapika's neck, because the blond _is_ \-- and making that tiny mewling sound under his breath, the one he makes when he's trying to be quiet.

Even if he didn't know it had been so long since they'd touched one another, Leorio can tell it's been forever just by the way Kurapika yips and arches against him. With his free hand, Kurapika reaches back and fists Leorio's pant-leg and murmurs something in Kuruta -- which means it's either a very vulgar profanity or something really deep and poetic that absolutely no one else must hear.

It occurs to Leorio that this might be some kind of breach of -- something -- when Kurapika pushes back against him and suddenly freezes.

"Stop it," he says coldly. And when Leorio doesn't obey quickly enough, he snaps, "Let go of me!"

This leaves Leorio at once startled, because _What was I doing?_ and amazed, because he didn't think anyone could stand up and look angry a second after being a minute or two away from an orgasm. He sits up, but doesn't go farther than that, because Kurapika is shorter than he is and it doesn't look like the blond wants any sort of challenge now. He feels guilty, too, because Kurapika doesn't just look angry, he looks... offended, and maybe a little hurt.

The blond speaks slowly, obviously trying not to shout. "Don't you _ever_ pity me like that again," is all he says, and then he stretches a bit, as though jumping away from a no-strings orgasm had been easy, and stalks to the bedroom. He makes a point of slamming the door.

" _Pity?_ " Leorio sputters angrily, because that wasn't it at _all_ , but then he realizes that maybe that's how it seemed to Kurapika: He didn't want the blond, but he'd get Kurapika off just to shut him up. _Ah, hell._

Everything is wrong now. Leorio looks at the time and decides he's going to pull a night-run at the hospital. It's been a while since he's visited the inpatients randomly. Tonight's as good a night as any; Leorio knows he won't be able to stand the tension in here another night.

He also knows that Kurapika is going to need to jerk off, and after the stunt he just pulled, Leorio owes the blond some privacy.

***

Leorio doesn't understand it. He's happy, isn't he? He has everything he needs: A satisfying career, a home of his own, anything he could want, close friends, a life-partner... what is with this, this _ebb_ in his personal life?

"Leorio-sensei," Sayu says, surprised. She's replacing his cleaned lab coats. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"Same to you," he returns with a grin. "You don't always finish this late."

"I could use the overtime," she replies with a wink.

Leorio considers her, with her flowing blonde hair and her good taste in clothes and her flirtatious ways. Though it's not something that will ever be admitted, Sayu is, wittingly or not, the catalyst for Kurapika's side of this fight. "Sayu, if I ever asked, would you go out with me?"

She winks at him again. "Leorio-sensei, the other women around here wouldn't be caught dead in a relationship with you, but I would, if you were free." She shakes a finger. "You have that possessive little wife of yours."

"Yeah," he agrees.

"My boyfriend wouldn't appreciate it so much, either," she adds with a giggle.

Abruptly, Leorio laughs. "No, I suppose he wouldn't." Of course she has a boyfriend, he realizes. Why did he never ask? She was pretty, employed, had good taste, and there was a head on those shoulders, too. "Then, Sayu, do you think my life is wasteful?"

"God!" she sighs. "I was wondering when you'd finally ask me for advice! Leorio-sensei, I think you are an idiot to even ask. But don't take my word for it; go on your rounds and see for yourself."

So he takes his clipboard and does just that.

He sees what Sayu and Senritsu and Kurapika are talking about the very moment he steps into little Seki's room.

"Leorio-sensei!" the bedridden child chirps. He's so small in the large bed, and the huge cast suspended before the little body might have been off-putting, but Seki's face is glowing and the coloring book in his lap is rife with red and orange and yellow.

"Seki-kun," he admonishes, "what are you doing up so late?"

"Mom said I could!" he defends himself. "She's gone to get me some hot chocolate."

Leorio doesn't argue. "All right, then. Let's see, what are you drawing there? Nice, a red-and-yellow flower with an orange sun. Who are these guys?" He points to the stick figures the boy is doodling onto the page.

"Oh, it's you and Kishimoto-sensei," Seki reveals with a beam. "'Cause you fixed my leg."

It's probably the most gratifying night of his career -- probably because he re-realizes just _how_ rewarding his career is.

And just like that, it's fixed. It's funny how life works, sometimes.

***

It's past midnight when Leorio comes home. The apartment is dark but he can see from the entrance that there is no one in their bed.

Leorio tosses his briefcase and blazer onto the couch and is in the middle of undoing his tie when he looks into the guestroom. Kurapika is fast asleep, hugging a pillow and breathing heavily enough that it would be a snore if he were on his back. The covers have been mostly kicked off at some point, so Leorio can see that Kurapika is wearing the black silk boxers and matching tank, which had been a gift from Leorio, of course.

And just as it ebbs, it flows.

***

It's been a long time since one of them has woken the other with a midnight urge for lovemaking. So long, in fact, that Kurapika thinks he's under attack and almost throws Leorio out the window when the other man jumps him.

"What the hell?!" he snarls, wondering why Leorio is in the guestroom with him and why he's tearing the buttons of his own shirt in his haste to get it off. "Now what--" Leorio cuts him off effectively, and when he moves in time with Leorio's wandering hands, he discovers that the older man is hard as a rock.

"Figures," he huffs when they break for air. "How come whenever _I_ want to--"

"Oh shut up."

And sometimes, Kurapika really does know when to just shut up.

Three hours later, Leorio is still unwilling to let go and stop apologizing, and Kurapika is sorry, too, and yes, they can be so ridiculous sometimes, but can they please go to sleep and cover this later, because some people have to be awake and at work in about three hours.

He's hovering on the edge of sleep when Leorio breathes into his ear, "And Sayu already has a boyfriend, you jealous idiot."

"... Oh," Kurapika sighs, and that relief is enough to push him over.


End file.
